Friendship - Book Review | Mental Health Awareness Week.

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Friendship: The evolution, biology and extraordinary power of life’s fundamental bond

Denworth, L. (2020). Bloomsbury Sigma.

Friendship is a book I found inspiring, thought invoking and while it is filled with biology, sociology and neuroscientific terminology, for the lay-person like myself it was easy to get into. Friendship explores what makes relationships, especially friendships, possible in our changing social world. The book explores relationships and friendships through animals such as rats and mice in the labs, to primates in the wild being studied by scientists. Friendship questions the role of online gaming, social media, connectivity, and the ways our relationships change as we grow, develop and age.

Friendship explores the facets of what makes someone a good or bad friend, and explores what this looks like in other social groupings of primates, lab animals and people of all ages.

Friendship is a book for academics wanting to learn more about the ways relationships grow and change; but also for anyone curious as to how children and old people have lots of friends and large social circles. I related to this book due to being in my thirties and hitting the ebb of friends, in my twenties that was the time of having lots of friends, in my thirties friendships dropped off and it became more important to see quality over quantity - this continues into peoples forties as well. Friendship explores these themes and talks about ground-roots initiatives making big changes right now in schools in America and Australia; Generation-Xchange for example is a programme for those aged forty plus to help in primary schools for helping school kids have positive adult role models.

Reviewed by Lisa Ryan, Leader and Local Coordinator, GirlGuiding New Zealand

Monday

MONDAY

Start the week off with an act of kindness. On the first day of MHAW, take some time out of your day to help someone in a small but meaningful way. Even one simple thing, like carrying groceries or holding a door open for a stranger, can create a chain reaction of kindness that uplifts the whole community.

Ideas for how you can help someone today:

Do you know someone who has a lot going on at the moment? Take some kai over for dinner to save them cooking, or offer to take their dog for a walk.
Do something to help make a colleague’s day a little easier at mahi/work. Assist them with a task they haven’t had time to complete, or make them a cup of tea to help them get through the day.
Stop to let a car into the traffic in front of you. Watch the chain reaction of courtesy unfold around you!
Offer to mind a friend’s taitamaiti/tamariki (child/children) for the afternoon, so they can take some time out for themselves.
Volunteer a few hours of your time today — there are lots of community groups who would love your help!
Give a genuine compliment to a friend, family member, or even a stranger.
Take the time to listen to someone who needs to talk, offering your full attention and support.
Looking for ideas for tamariki? Check out Sparklers’ Everyday Kindness and Can’t Do it Without You activities, to help them explore how kindness and helping others can boost their own wellbeing.

Tuesday

TUESDAY

It’s no secret that the pandemic, rising costs and extreme weather events have made things tough for our local businesses and organisations over the past few years. Today, we encourage you to tautoko/support an independent merchant or community organisation. Why not purchase a small gift for a friend from a local creator, or post about an awesome business or community group on social media? A little tautoko can go a long way in difficult times.

To support a small neighbourhood business or community organisation today, you could:

Spend some time clearing out that forgotten cupboard. Donate toys, books, sports equipment or clothes you are no longer using to a local charity.
Is there a business or organisation doing amazing mahi in your community? Help others discover them too, by posting about them on social media or writing a positive review online.
When you’re chatting to a friend, hoamahi/colleague or whānau member today, tell them about a nearby store you love. Ask them if they have any local recommendations for you, too!
If you’re picking up a coffee or snack on your way to mahi, why not check out that new café that you’ve been meaning to try out?
Support a local business by letting them know how much you appreciate them. Give them a compliment in person, or send them a glowing letter or email. You could even get your tamariki involved, by using Sparklers’ Sneaky Thank You Cards activity. Your tautoko might just make their day!
Need to pick up some veges for dinner tonight? Support local, by heading to your neighbourhood farmer’s market or greengrocer to pick up some fresh produce.

Wednesday

WEDNESDAY

We’ve made it to the middle of the week!

Feeling connected to others is strongly associated with better wellbeing, because it gives us a sense of meaning, safety, support and purpose. Give yourself — and your loved ones — a mid-week boost, by reaching out to a friend or whānau member you would like to catch up with.

You could connect with the important people in your life today, by:

Sending them a message, having a kōrero, arranging a catch up in person, or using our postcard resource to get in touch with a loved one you haven’t talked to in a while.
Getting tamariki to write a letter to, or draw a picture for, someone they’d like to connect with.
Helping tamariki make friends with other tauira/students, with Sparklers’ Being a First-Rate Mate
Baking some treats to share with hoamahi/colleagues at morning tea time. Enjoy a moment to connect with them over some delicious kai.
Grabbing your mates to spend some time connecting with the whenua. Get into the great outdoors — go on a bush hikoi/walk, hikoi up your local maunga, or breathe in the salty fresh air of the moana. Enjoy a kōrero while you’re there.
Coming together with your whānau to take a moment for your collective wairua, by trying out these Te Ao Māori mindful breathing exercises.
Having a think about whether there is someone you know who may be going through a tough time. Reach out and ask them how they are, and empathise and listen to any concerns. You can find more information about how to have a safe and supportive kōrero here.
Reaching out to someone who may be lonely, and inviting them to spend time with you.
And if you’re experiencing loneliness yourself? Remember that feeling isolated is a common experience, and it’s okay to feel this way. By reaching out to someone else, you could be helping that person too — and boosting your wellbeing at the same time.

Thursday

THURSDAY

As we move closer to the weekend, find some time in your day to connect with someone in your community that you don’t usually talk to. Introduce yourself to a neighbour, a parent at your child’s school, or someone at your local café . Building relationships with people who live in your community can create a supportive network, right at your doorstep.

To get to know someone new in your community today, you could:

Introduce yourself to a new kaimahi/employee at mahi. Ask them if there’s anything you can do to help them settle in, and invite them to join you for morning tea or lunch. You could even use our kōrero card set to learn more about each other.
Check out the What’s On calendar on the MHAW website to find a community event happening near you today. Or, organise your own gathering, using our handy ‘How to organise a community event’ resource to help you plan it.
Get to know your neighbours. Invite them around for a potluck dinner, or head outdoors to your local park together for a picnic.
Join a new class or group — learn an instrument, join a book club or put on your dancing shoes and discover some new moves. Not only will you learn a new skill, but you’ll get to know a new community at the same time.
Say “kia ora” to the bus driver, checkout operator or local barista, and ask them how their day is going. These small moments of connection can help to strengthen your local community ties, and give everyone a little wellbeing boost!
Organise a community clean-up day. You could clean up a local awa/river, tātahi/beach or park, or start a whakatō rākau/tree planting project. This is a great way to meet new people in your community, whilst helping to keep Aotearoa beautiful. Check out the Department of Conservation’s website for more ideas.
Help tamariki get to know other tauira/students, using Sparklers’ Common Ground activity.

Friday

FRIDAY

What better way to finish off the week, than by saying thank you to someone in your community? Spread some good vibes by showing your gratitude today — it could be to the courier driver, to a local volunteer, or to a workmate or neighbour…anyone who helps make your community what it is.

You could express gratitude to those in your community today, by:

Using our whakawhetai/gratitude poster to say thank you to someone you cross paths with today.
Has someone gone above and beyond to help your community recently? Mention their contributions at a community meeting, on a neighbourhood Facebook page, or in a local newsletter.
Getting crafty, and creating something for someone you are grateful for. It could be as simple as drawing them a picture, or writing a thoughtful letter telling them what you appreciate about them.
Organising a surprise outing for a friend or whānau member you are grateful for. Plan to do their favourite activities, and enjoy the chance to catch up and kōrero.
Do you have a neighbour who has helped you in some way? Say thank you by inviting them around for morning tea, or returning the favour in whichever way you can.
Leaving a note on a hoamahi/colleague’s desk to thank them for their help at mahi. You could even throw their favourite treat in, to make their day that little bit better.
Taking a moment for yourself today, by writing down three things you are grateful for. Reflecting on the things we are thankful for can help us to experience more positive emotions.
Checking out Sparklers’ Compliment Posters and Gratitude O’Clock activities, to help your tamariki practise gratitude.