Friendship - Book Review | Mental Health Awareness Week. 23 - 29 SEPTEMBER 2024

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Friendship: The evolution, biology and extraordinary power of life’s fundamental bond

Denworth, L. (2020). Bloomsbury Sigma.

Friendship is a book I found inspiring, thought invoking and while it is filled with biology, sociology and neuroscientific terminology, for the lay-person like myself it was easy to get into. Friendship explores what makes relationships, especially friendships, possible in our changing social world. The book explores relationships and friendships through animals such as rats and mice in the labs, to primates in the wild being studied by scientists. Friendship questions the role of online gaming, social media, connectivity, and the ways our relationships change as we grow, develop and age.

Friendship explores the facets of what makes someone a good or bad friend, and explores what this looks like in other social groupings of primates, lab animals and people of all ages.

Friendship is a book for academics wanting to learn more about the ways relationships grow and change; but also for anyone curious as to how children and old people have lots of friends and large social circles. I related to this book due to being in my thirties and hitting the ebb of friends, in my twenties that was the time of having lots of friends, in my thirties friendships dropped off and it became more important to see quality over quantity - this continues into peoples forties as well. Friendship explores these themes and talks about ground-roots initiatives making big changes right now in schools in America and Australia; Generation-Xchange for example is a programme for those aged forty plus to help in primary schools for helping school kids have positive adult role models.

Reviewed by Lisa Ryan, Leader and Local Coordinator, GirlGuiding New Zealand

Rāhina / Monday

Take Notice | Me Aro Tonu

A fresh week, blank slate and a new beginning. Let's start the week by setting purpose and intention, today is the day to take stock – how have you been feeling recently, are there any events or stresses that you need to sit with and unpack?

Developing the ability to be fully present and conscious without being overly reactive or overwhelmed is no easy feat, it takes practice to achieve the delicate balance of awareness. When we take notice or practice mindfulness, we’re creating space for ourselves—space to think, space to breathe, space between ourselves and our reactions. 

Use today as a reminder to pay more attention to the present moment, to our thoughts and feelings, and to the world around us. At the end of the week, you can reflect on how you felt at the start of the week, and how putting each of the Five Ways into practice has helped to boost your mental health.

A few ideas to help you take notice:

Take some time to really notice the emotions you’re feeling – consider jotting down your whakaaro/thoughts to get clarity on what you want to achieve for the week.
Unplug for a few hours – sign out of social media or turn off your device notifications. Take this time to tune into yourself, pay attention to physical sensations, your feelings and what’s happening around you.
If you have work meetings today, begin with a karakia/prayer or short reflection (eg. an inspiring quote) followed by a brief silent period, allowing your hoamahi to breathe mindfully and bring their full attention into the room. End in a similar fashion.
Get out of your usual environment during your lunch break. Go for a walk to a nearby park or tātahi/beach and listen to the sweet sounds of the manu/birds. Notice how taking a quiet moment for yourself makes you feel.
Head along to a yoga class or find a free online video to follow at home.
Take a moment for your wairua by trying these mindful breathing exercises.
Tamariki can try this ‘How Am I Doing?’ activity by Sparklers to encourage them to think about how they can support their own wellbeing. They might also like to try the Favourite Spaces activity to take notice of their surroundings and how they make them feel.
Plan to look up at the night sky to observe the marama/moon and the whetū/stars. Refer to the Māori maramataka/lunar calendar to learn about the phases of the moon.
Head out for a mindful hīkoi/walk after mahi/work or kura/school. While you’re out, watch the sunset and take notice of the vibrant colours as the sun sets on the first day of the week.

Rātū / Tuesday

Give | Tukua

Today is all about kindness. When we give selflessly to others, whether through our time, resources, or support, we create a positive ripple effect that extends beyond the people we engage with. Carrying out acts of kindness boosts our happiness, life satisfaction, and overall wellbeing. When we help others, it gives us purpose and a sense of belonging – it’s a win/win! 

Think about how you might be able to brighten the day of someone you care about, or even a complete stranger. A small gesture might mean the world to someone else, and you’ll get a bit of a boost, too!

A few ideas to help you give:

Bake something yummy to share with your hoamahi/colleagues at morning tea time.
Do you have a friend, hoamahi or someone in your whānau who could do with a helping hand? Give them a few hours of your time today – maybe you could take some kai to your kaumatua’s house, mow the grass verge of your neighbour’s property, or offer to mind your friend’s tamariki for the afternoon.
Take a moment to stop and kōrero with your neighbour, bus driver or the checkout assistant at the supermarket. Ask ‘how are you/kei te pēhea koe?’ and really listen. It might make all the difference to their day.
Get crafty and create something for someone who could do with a boost. It could be as simple as drawing them a picture, or writing a thoughtful letter telling them what makes them special. Tamariki might like to try this Sneaky Thank You Cards activity.
If you have fruit trees pop your excess fruit out on the street or take it to mahi, with a "help yourself" sign.  
Join a community clean-up day – it could be a local awa/river, tātahi/beach or park, or a whakatō rākau/tree planting project with friends, hoamahi or whānau.
Donate toys, books, sports equipment, clothes that you are no longer using to a local charity.
Stop to let a car into the traffic in front of you. Watch the chain reaction of courtesy!
For tamariki, check out the Compliment Posters and Everyday Kindness activities to help them understand the importance of being kind and giving to others.

Rāapa / Wednesday

Be Active | Me Kori Tonu

We're nearly over the midweek hump and are inching closer to the weekend. Today is the perfect opportunity to give yourself a refreshing boost by engaging in some physical activity. Wi tēnei rangi to get the blood flowing through your tinana/body?  

Physical activity stimulates the release of endorphins, the "feel-good" hormones, which can uplift your mood and increase feelings of happiness. It reduces stress and anxiety levels, promotes relaxation and enhances overall mental resilience. It can even sharpen our thinking and boost our creativity.

Being active doesn’t always mean high-intensity cardio workouts, there are lots of ways you can move your tinana to uplift your mood, reduce stress, and feel a sense of achievement. Choose to do something that is purely for feeling good or having fun, and dedicate it to your wellbeing.

A few ideas hei āwhina/to help you be active:

Get into the great outdoors - go for a hīkoi in the bush, breathe in the fresh air of the moana/ocean or walk up your local maunga/mountain.
Have an impromptu kanikani/dance party with your whānau, flatmates or pets. Play your favourite tunes, sing as loud as you can, and get your body moving.
Hīkoi/walk, oma/run or cycle to mahi or kura today. Try parking a little further away from the tari/office or get off the pahi/bus a stop early and hīkoi the rest of the way.
Instead of having hui in the tari, get some fresh air and go for a walking meeting outside. On your way back into the office, increase your step count by taking the arapiki/stairs instead of the lift.
Get your māra/garden ready for raumati/summer. Pulling some weeds or planting something new will help you work up a sweat.
Grab your mates and organise a friendly sports match at a local park. Not only will you get a good workout, you’ll be able to have fun and connect with your friends too – bonus!
Get your heart rate up by learning a TikTok dance, or try a new YouTube workout.
Encourage tamariki to get outside and move their bodies with the Sparklers Nature Moves and Curious Kea Scavenger Hunt activities.

Rāpare / Thursday

Connect | Me Whakawhanaunga

It’s nearly Friday – why not tap into those weekend vibes early, and carve out some time for some meaningful connection? Use today as a sign to arrange that outing or gathering with friends, participate in social events that you might be finding an excuse to skip, or seek out opportunities for shared experiences that deepen your connections. 

Connect refers to making social connections, or whakawhanaungatanga. A sense of feeling connected, loved or belonging with others is strongly associated with better wellbeing and other health outcomes by providing a sense of meaning, safety, support and purpose.

A few ideas to help you connect:

Is there someone that you haven’t spoken to in a while? Why not send a message, give them a call, have a kōrero, or start your weekend early and arrange a catch up in person.
Get tamariki to write a letter or draw a picture for someone they’d like to connect with.
Organise a potluck dinner, barbeque or shared lunch with your whānau, friends or hoamahi. Bring your favourite dish and connect over some delicious kai.
At the end of the day ask a friend, your whānau or hoamahi what the best thing about their day was and listen with interest when they respond.
Get to know your hoamahi a little better by using our kōrero card set.
Introduce yourself to a new parent at your child’s school, new kaimahi/employee at your workplace or a new neighbour in your community. Ask them if there’s anything you can do to help them settle in.
Reach out to someone who may be lonely and invite them to spend time with you. 
Have a whānau WIFI, TV and device-free evening by bringing out board games. 
Have a think about whether there is someone in your life who may be going through a tough time. Reach out and ask them how they are, empathise and listen. You can find more support for how to have a safe and supportive kōrero.
Help tamariki connect with other tauira/students with the Sparklers Common Ground and Being a First-Rate Mate activities.

Rāmere / Friday

Keep Learning | Me Ako Tonu

It might be the last day of MHAW, but today’s the day to reflect on what you’ve learnt throughout the week and implement those tools into the weekend and weeks beyond.

Evidence suggests that learning or trying new things creates a sense of achievement, competence and stimulates engagement with the world around us. There are lots of ways that you can Keep Learning today and every day.

A few ideas to help you keep learning:

Join a class or group – learn an instrument, join a book club or put on your dancing shoes and learn some new moves. Not only will you learn an impressive new skill, you’ll get to connect with new people too.
Organise a lunch and learn session with your hoamahi. Arrange for a speaker to come in, or ask a colleague to present on a topic that they are interested in.
Learn something new about your hometown or local area – talk to your whānau and neighbours, check out local history societies, pukapuka/books, plaques or do an online rangahau/search.
Is there a new skill you’d like to develop or a hobby you’re interested in taking up? Take the first step by watching a YouTube tutorial or playing a kōnae ipurangi/podcast you’ve been meaning to listen to.
Make a list of pukapuka you’d like to read and aim to read one new thing a month. Pick something off your list and start reading it today!
Look up a new recipe and have a go at making it. Get your mates or whānau over to enjoy your creation.
Put up post-it notes of kupu hou/new words around your whare or office to help you learn Te Reo Māori. Help tamariki learn te reo greetings with the Kei Te Pēhea Koe activity from Sparklers.
Do some puzzles! Crosswords, sudoku, riddles are all great ways to exercise the mind.
Ask tamariki to teach you about something new they learnt at school today.